I don’t know all the facts of General Raston’s case, but I know enough to realize that in most important respects, we were in the same situation. This was all about our private lives. What we did had no effect on our performance in any way, shape or form. We were both involved with civilians. The civilian in my case was Marc Zigo. Although his wife is an airman, she was in a completely different command. I was a B-52 pilot and she was a personnel administrator. We had no professional contact. My relationship with Marc had no effect on my flying, and it didn’t have any effect on my squadron mates. They didn’t even know about it.
In General Ralston’s ease, I don’t know if his affair was even discussed with his superiors when it was going on. But I know that when it did come out, he got plenty of support and guidance. His superiors made an attempt to talk to him on a personal basis, to find out if his performance had been affected in some way. That certainly never happened in my case. I was a witness against a Lieutenant who was charged with assaulting a friend of mine. That lieutenant then made unrelated accusations against me. From then on, I was questioned intensely by security police who asked intimate details about my personal life. No one in my chain of command took the time to pull me aside and find out what was going on. I went to see my commander. He knew I was concerned about the investigation, and that I had a medical problem-I had been diagnosed with a precancerous condition. But he would not talk to me. He said he couldn’t because he might have to be, as he put it, “the ultimate hammer.” I went back to see him a second time and he still wouldn’t talk to me. The last time I saw him I got read my rights.
Why was I treated differently? Because there is a double standard. What matters in these cases is not what really happened, but your rank, your gender and who you know-who above you has pull, who can work it out for you. Ralston is a general officer, a man, and he has a whole network of friends to help him. I was a lieutenant, a woman, without anyone in my chain of command willing to help me. They made zero attempt to find out if my flying was affected. As it happened, my crew had just been selected to put together a “package” of aircraft to coordinate 50 planes to strike targets in an exercise called “Red Flag.” We got the B-52s in and out without getting shot down, and I was praised for my work. Yet a few weeks later I was grounded.
I commend Secretary Cohen for taking a stand, for recognizing that people do make mistakes and learn. Institutions can also make mistakes and learn. I really hope some good can come of all this. I hope it opens the military’s eyes and the public’s eyes. We need more sensible rules. When it comes to consensual sex, the rule should be don’t ask, don’t tell. I know perfectly well that my case and General Ralston’s are not isolated. I watched others have affairs, but they were able to, keep them quiet.
Maybe it’s necessary to have these kinds of cases to change the rules and get rid of the double standard. Still, I hope no one else will go through the kind of public humiliation I went through. I don’t want to be a martyr. I never set out to be one. I felt like I was on a train–it just took off and built momentum and the next thing I knew I was reading about myself in the paper. I did learn about myself: that you can learn from your mistakes and become a stronger person. But all I ever wanted to do was fly for the air force. Deep down, I still hope I can fly for my country one day.
